It’s a gloomy Friday night.
Some are still at work, extending their work shift; some are having drinks, catching up with an old friend.
Some are already asleep, alone or with their loved ones.
I am on of those who are on their way home, struggling against the traffic in the metro.
As I listen to music, I look back the past three decades of my life.
I have always been trying to be strong, for myself, for my loved ones, for my friends, for my family.
Majority see me as someone with “strong personality”, “alpha female”, “tough”, “intimidating”, “can kick your *ss off”
But I realized that…
For once, I want to be taken cared of, rather than taking care of someone/others
For once, I want to feel loved, instead of just loving someone/othes
For once, I want to be fed, rather than feed others
For once I want to be asked how am I, instead waiting for others to respond to my similar question
For once, I want to be loved the way I love others
For once, I want to get the attention that I was never getting or the attention I try to give to others
For once, I want be held in your arms, rather than me giving my warm hug to others to keep them warm
For once, I want to feel than I am wanted, rather than me wanting them.
For once, I want to be selfish, and just think about myself.
For once I want to be vulnerable, soft, gentle, cry baby, defenseless
For once I want to be myself.