Finding My Way Back to Love, Finding my Way to You

As a little girl, I have always seen myself married by 26 years old, as I want to raise a family with my husband and four children. Coming from a small family (I only have one brother), I felt that it would be more fun if my kids will have sibling-playmates thus until now I continue to dream to having four kids in the future. I have always felt that I will be a good mom (but will aspire to be the best mom that I can be): I have trained myself to properly prioritize tasks and allocate resources (budget our finances), I know how to cook well (and I can even improve myself on this), I have known how to baby sit since 12 years old as I have been a baby sitter to at least five of my nephews (from my cousin). I am loyal, highly responsible, decisive yet considerate; thus my husband need not to worry about me taking care of the family. I have already envisioned how our house will look like – it will have a library as I will make sure my kids value reading; it will have a music/hobby room so that our family can spend quality time together. I will teach my kids on how to be physically active rather than social media active as this does not only train one’s physical abilities, but helps inculcates discipline, patience, perseverance, and team work.

I’m thirty five now and in less than six months time I will be thirty six. I am hopeful that I will still have my own family with four children. I am still hopeful that someday soon, I will meet the guy who will wipe away all my tears and tell me that I should no longer worry about our future as he will be there to take care of me. For quite a while, I am trying to find my way back to love, but I can’t seem to find it back. I am finding my way back to myself to make myself ready when love comes knocking at my door. I am hopeful, not hopeless; at the same time realistic. If, because of biological clock, I may no longer be blessed with kids; I will still be hopeful that I will meet my partner who will be with me until we both grow old. I am hopeful that he will be with me every step of the way, until my last breath, until I am just “hoping for it” rather “experiencing it.”

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